Hopeful eyes that has a myriad of questions and emotions ranging from, “whether I am looking ok? Do I look the way we have always discussed we wanted to during our teenage days of wedding talks? Is my hair in place? Does the make-up make me look older than I am? Will I get that look from him when he first sees me? Coupled with this is a background question of is everything going on well outside? Is mom, dad fine? Are you having fun? As well as the innocence of “Sigh, it’s happening….the next step in my life…starting now…though I have always secretly dreamt of this day since my teenage days….is this the right way I am going? My life is going to take a 180 degree turn.” She is so anxiously delighted…why did I just use anxious and delight together? How else to describe it? One might have to coin a whole new word for the feeling that the to-be bride has every time she is summoned by the priest for the event and THE MOMENT keeps nearing with every subsequent puja and change of saree . I had been not once but thrice in the bride’s room at the 11th hour of every event. Once for my sister and twice for 2 of my cousins. I, in my own small way helped by being beside them to tell every now and then that everything is going on fine and that they couldn’t have looked more perfect than now. All the three of them are completely different individuals yet some of the subtleties of emotions are just the same, may be its just about being the bride and not an individual.
So coming back to her questions, I always just gave a nod and a smile and I could see the look of peace in her eyes. Assurance is all that is needed at the 11th hour for the to-be bride.
It’s a different room, the atmosphere, in there I share the tension, the apprehension that she did. The first day morning starts with the Vridham to welcome the boys’ party and perform some puja. She is waiting anxiously with me in the bride’s room. I try to talk about lame things unrelated to the upcoming events so that it relaxes her a bit. She is very enthusiastic before and after the event, though more and more anxiety environs her. She is elated at the way her would-be has welcomed and spoken warmly to her closest friends, relatives and cousins. She can hardly hide her pride when he impresses her siblings and manages to befriend their kids therein. She makes a quiet resolve to herself that she will make sure she does her best for his family. She smiles at every guest she is introduced to, his friends, his relatives, his father’s office friends, his mother’s friends, sisters, some distant relatives, some guru, and the list goes endless yet the smile remains
The first event comes to a close. She is a little tired but she looks at her parents and the way some unknown energy has caught them which is making them run around delegating work and at the same time welcoming the guests with a smile. It gives her a new found effervescence and she changes her outfit in a jiffy just in time for lunch lest she gives a chance for the biggies to say,” where is the girl, everyone is waiting for lunch?” She nibbles on the food. Dishes prepared were probably chosen by her with great interest but damn nothing looks like it will manage to pass through her throat up to tummy. Mummy darling realizes this and whispers in her ears, “A day and a half more to go, eat something at least, you need energy”. She can’t help that lump in her throat, how come these mummy species manage to guess everything going on your mind? She decides to eat little Sāmbhar rice since that is the easiest to manage on the banana leaf. She takes this opportunity to ask her mom “Is everything going on fine? Are you and dad doing well? “Somewhere she is guilty of all the running around that these two 50+ are doing. Mummy gives a smile and says, “Yes dear, everything is perfect” though both of them know that it is far from the truth as there is no marriage in this world that can happen w/o a few isky bisky…but the fact that she asked and the fact that the other answered in affirmative gives both of them a new found confidence that what follows will go on smoother than before. She looks at him by her side. He is smiling, talking to the oldies who are trying to tease him in their own sweet way. She admires him and he looks back asking if she was doing fine and starts on a conversation about some friend from his college whom he had mentioned to her about but would not be able to attend the marriage but might come for the reception. She partly listens, partly her mind is set off to other things about their future when the maama asks her if she would like some more kheer and she is brought back to the lunch room.
Next up is the evening mapalai aayappu. No time for afternoon’s rest since the make-up women comes soon after lunch is done. She is so used to having done her own dressing; she just cannot manage to trust this female doing up her face. She needs a minimum of 2 of her aunties, few of her cousins and a nod from her busy mom who hardly has time to look at her own face to make sure that the make-up is done decent if not great. She looks at herself in the mirror and signals me with her eyes making sure the make-up woman doesn’t catch the signal. I nod and she says ok I am ready. She hears the big party of people returning from the temple as per the ritual. It’s a small ceremony, dominated by photographs. The ceremony is over and she wants to change into salwar kameez, but mummy dear gives a stern look saying we aren’t even half way through and you are already bored of wearing sari. She nods wearily and continues pretending she is the most comfortable in the heavy jari saree as though she has been wearing it all through her life. Time for dinner, damn she thinks…why can’t people just leave me alone….not a morsel will go in. But again, everyone wants to see the to-be-bride and groom sitting next to each other and enjoying their first meals together. And so, she heads to the dinner room ushered by her in-laws while she searches for her sister/parents…just when she thinks with a tinge of frustration,” Why aren’t they ever around when I am looking for them?” Dad appears and tells her, “You go ahead and have your food, we are coming for the same pandhi behind” She smiles with a sigh of relief and tells herself, “if not together at least they will be within my sight, sometimes that itself is so consoling else I would feel like fish out of water.” I am there somewhere in the background catching all these glimpses and smiling to myself and still coming to terms with the fact that my childhood buddy is getting married.
Dinner is done. Mummy and daddy are busy with the next day preparations till almost midnight. She changes…tries to clean up the room..she thinks it’s the least bit of help she can do. Her youngest cousin comes to her and calls her for a game. She is tired but knows that this probably might be one of her lasts with her cousins, from now on though gatherings might happen it will never be the same. She smiles and joins them. They play their usual games, she completely immerses herself in the game…living her happy childhood times with them again. At regular intervals I glance at her, she answers back with a look that says….why cant this night continue for some more time. Mummy comes looking for her, says make up woman is going to come at 5 in the morning and it’s nearing 12 30 already and that she should go to bed now. She thinks to herself looking at her mom lovingly…just like my exam day’s mom is more worried than I am about my health and performance and the next test that awaits me. I have argued all this while during those times though I always knew she was right. She quietly gets up, wishes good night to her cousins. They force her to stay back, scared to tell their aunty to give her permission to stay. She wants to stay back with all her heart but she knows what is right, she says you all enjoy…and tries to make a joke by saying I want to look my best tomorrow so I better get going. Suddenly she feels grown up, lifted up carefully from amongst her younger cousins onto a path where undoubtedly loads of happiness lies but at the same time lies responsibilities and duties towards others that once where only for her. She tries to sleep…but in vain. She knows that neither of her parents is asleep. They are just resting their backs, minds working continuously which won’t stop till the reception dinner is served. She hugs her mummy sleeping beside her. Mummy hugs her back, but not tight enough because they both know that it can break them down any moment. Tomorrow night, my entire life would have changed – it’s a thought that both of them share.
Next day’s events happen and she is as though in a trance. She does not quite remember when mummy woke her up, when sis helped her get a bath making sure the mehendi is not affected, when the makeup woman came and prepared her face for the moment of her lifetime, photographs where clicked when me on one side and an aunt on the other took her to the dais, people where singing wedding songs, everyone around was sleepily smiling but had made sure to come, when she fed herself 2 idlis and when she sat on her father’s lap as the priest started chanting the final mantras. She looked up at the man she had to look at every morning from now on… he looked tensed but confident, she looked ahead of him at the photographers standing on stools to capture this moment, she saw her cousins, uncles and aunts each with a camera waiting for the moment so they could relive the moment on their pcs later on, she looked beside her at her sister in law, a sweet smile on her face with a welcoming warmth that said, don’t worry I am there, she looked at her in laws who were beaming with pride as they saw their son ready to take the next big step with the girl they thought is perfect for him (and hence had agreed :P ), she felt her dad holding on to her waist lovingly, she knew he did not want her to go but was also happy and contented that he had succeeded in his duties as a father as he saw her smile, she could not get herself to look at her mom so she decided otherwise, let this moment pass and I will see her, she looked at her sisters and smiled….they smiled back…I was one of them…she was jolted back when the band played and he tied the knot around her neck, flowers showered on them…she said a quick prayer to give her strength to be half of what her mom dad have been in their life…and she heard people around clapping and congratulating everyone. It was over, Miss to Mrs….this day which she and her sisters used to have so many chats about….she remembered a month back when she was still in double minds about whether he is the one or not…but now she is confident that he is as she looks at him and he gives her the most caring and loving smile that says…officially mine now
A volley of pooja follows but she doesn’t remember much of it. The celebrated lunch with all the teasing happens, she enjoys it…looks at her family sitting in front of her…a sting of pain crosses her heart….my side has changed….but tells herself, “No, I am always going to be by my parents and siblings when they need me…as a family we can never change, no new bond can change what has been there for 24 odd years…why I have just got an opportunity to connect with more people and make a difference in their lives.” They smile at her and she smiles back. They have their own language of communication. Everyone is at peace, happy and contented.
Lunch is followed by meeting people whom she did not have time to talk to. A few laughs here and there. Make up woman comes again and dresses her up for the reception. She wants to have the pani puri but decides otherwise. Mummy comes to the room and looks at her. They just give a brief moment’s hug to each other and continue with the work in hand. Loads of photos taken in the evening. She wants to get down the stage and talk to her sister about all the feelings she went through during the 2 days, they used to share the tiniest of things, somehow by magic her sister looks at her and smiles. They know each has understood what the other has been thinking all this while. Reception dinner, she can see peace on her parents face. She sees that everyone around seems happy and contented. She is happy. She looks at him, he smiles and holds her hand secretly as though saying, “I can’t wait to start my new life with you”. What more does she want? A separation, new bonding, new feelings, new attachments, new responsibilities, longing for old times, and anxiety for new ones…she smiles as she goes back to her room to change. I am happy; I will try my best to make sure that those around me are. She looks at her mom for strength as this one thing even god cannot give her…only her mom can…Her mom nods and she knows she can do it…..
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